Why I Find Jesus Offensive

Sometimes Jesus can drive me absolutely crazy.

Last week I wrote about my approach to Lent this year, but this week I just want to take a pause and be brutally honest:

The more I dive into the life and teachings of Jesus, the more offended I get. 

My life seemed to be just fine beforehand.  Even as a so-called Christian, I felt much better off not familiarizing myself with Jesus.

I have spent much of my life being a devout Christian, while also managing to keep Jesus at a bit of a distance.  I loved reading the Psalms and the Proverbs, and reading the Old Testament stories about God taking care of his people.  Paul’s letters to the churches were challenging, but also kind of cool to see how one dude’s letters from prison ended up changing the entire trajectory of humanity.

Studying all of these left me with a fine assurance that I had favor with God, that he was going to take care of me, and gave me some good rules to live by.

But as I probe deeper in to the teachings of Jesus, my peaceful easy feeling has been disrupted quite a bit.  And that offends me.

I used to think I was pretty cool, that I had some things figured out, and that I was a decent person.

Until, that is, Jesus exposed that actions are different from intentions.

If at the end of this grand adventure, I’m graded on actions, I think I’ll do alright.  I do a lot of the right things.  I say a lot of the right things.  Heck, I even believe a lot of the right things.

But if I’m graded on what goes on inside of my heart, then I’m toast.

It’s obvious that we shouldn’t murder, but when Jesus says that disdain toward another person is akin to murder, at least on a heart level, then I’m done for.

It’s clear that we shouldn’t sleep around, and I haven’t, but when Jesus says that even a slightly lustful glance is akin to adultery on a heart level, then I’m hopeless.

I could go on about my significant shortcomings in loving our enemies, giving to those in need, my approach to prayer, directing my worship toward material things instead of God, and so on.

The truth is, Jesus challenges me to live my life at such an unattainably high standard, because Jesus is more interested in what’s going on in the inside of me rather than what’s going on outside.

And the more I dive into that concept, the more my own utter lack of holiness is exposed.

And I hate feeling exposed like that.

But in a strange way, as I become more and more aware of the deceitfulness of my own heart, surrendering love and respect for myself, something peculiar happens:  I feel closer to God.

I feel an acute awareness of his love and acceptance for me.  It’s as if the more desolate I see the condition of my heart, the more God wraps his arms around me and offers his approval.  Not in a “you’re overreacting; you’re fine” kind of way, but in a richer “you and I both know you’re a mess and that’s what makes this all so beautiful” kind of way.

It’s grace.

And for that reason, I yearn for the offense of Jesus, because he leads me straight into the loving arms of the Father—a warm, tender, and precious embrace…