Joy to the World -or- Don't Waste Your Pain This Christmas

The Christmas season can be a bit polarizing, can’t it? 

For some, Christmas marks a time of joy, where we celebrate the blessings of family and friends, offering gifts and treats, time and hugs; it is a time where we experience warmth, joy and child-like delight.

For others, Christmas serves as a brutal reminder of loss, where the “joys” of the season only serve to magnify the pain and suffering on the inside.

I had a conversation just yesterday with a man who lost his wife of 40 years recently; this will be his and his son’s first Christmas without their wife and mom.  He was getting understandably emotional as he was telling me this, and for good reason.  I for one can’t imagine a loss like that; trudging through my first Christmas alone would be nothing short of heartbreaking.

My grandfather lost his mom on Christmas day when he was young; every December 25th since then was an emotional reminder of his loss.  I remember his tears each and every Christmas.

We’ve had friends suffer major physical ailments; Christmas for them most assuredly highlights times when they weren’t dealing with immense physical pain.  It’s almost a cruel reminder of what they can’t do, rather than a time to pause and celebrate with family.

I remember the first Christmas after my best friend died a number of years ago; I felt a certain numbness that can’t be described; only those who have experienced such a loss are able to fully relate.

And even more recently, just a couple of years ago saw me so relationally and spiritually disoriented, it was as if I had been pummeled by wave after wave, not knowing which way was up.  I had completely lost my bearings; as someone who was spiritually disoriented, a Christian holiday was particularly difficult to get excited about, and so I allowed the pain to turn to numbness instead.

But here’s what’s interesting about pain:

I’m a believer that pain is something that gains debilitating power over us only if we let it fester on the inside.  When we deny grief, even if out of sheer survival, we slowly kill off a part of ourselves.

On the other hand, when we allow ourselves to grieve properly and completely, new hope begins to rise from the dust:

When I look at the physical, emotional, and relational pain I’ve experienced over the years, in each instance I have tended to sink in to a few patterns.  First, I am filled with sadness.  Then the sadness moves to mild depression.  The depression gives way to anger, which then leads to more depression.  Ultimately, I either end up numb and scarred and with a piece of my heart shriveled, or I end up a little bit more complete and with a heart that beats a little more freely and joy-filled.

The difference between the two is a very fine line, and if I’m honest there are still some major areas that I’m working on, fighting to break the scabs free from my heart.

But here’s the deal:  Because the pain I have experienced is mine and is something that only I have owned, I am more able to recognize people who are in that same spot. 

And while I may not be able to relate directly to a person’s specific situation, I can at least empathize on some level.

And when I use my pain to relate to someone else who is hurting, a tiny bit of joy is passed from one person to another.

And so, if you happen to be in a spot this Christmas season where things are great and your heart is full, be on the lookout for those near you who are in a season that’s a little more bleak.

Because perhaps the greatest gift you can give is a listening ear, a caring and compassionate eye, and an understanding hug.  Allow your experiences to bless others by offering hope and a small dose of joy.

If you’re on the other end of the Christmas spirit, where you’re the one hurting and in pain, take heart.  Don’t run from your pain, but embrace it, allowing it to run its full course.  Don’t be afraid of the tears, for those tears often usher in the very healing we need.

And soon, your listening ear, your understanding hug might be just the very thing that will bring someone else the hope they so desperately need.

Because I believe it’s up to us to bring Joy to the world.  And that can only happen as we work together—with eyes and hearts open to the movements of the season. 

And so may you experience the richness of Christmas this season, and may Joy flood your heart in ever increasing doses, so that you bring joy to your world and to those fortunate enough to experience

Joy

To

The World.