Part 2: Where are you Looking for Your Worth?
Last week, as we explored characteristics of effective leadership, I found myself reflecting on my own leadership style. There are times when I get it right, and there are other times when I’ve been woefully inadequate as a leader.
And while living in this tension is a regular part of the human experience, I started noticing that when I exhibit characteristics of ineffective leadership, oftentimes what is really going on beneath the surface was something rather profound:
I look to something out there to make a statement about who I am on the inside.
It’s as if I ask big, deep questions about my own identity, and I give way too much power to things that ultimately will never be able to answer these significant internal questions.
During those times when I try to be a people pleaser, if everyone isn’t happy, I internalize this and feel like a failure.
Or when my bank account isn’t what I’m hoping for, I tell myself that I don’t have what it takes to be an entrepreneur.
Other times, if my sphere of influence feels small, I adopt a message of insignificance and shrink back from offering myself to anyone.
By contrast, the times when my leadership is at its healthiest, is when I don’t look to “the thing” to provide me with a sense of personal worth. Rather, when my internal sense of being is rooted firmly in who I am, who God has made me to be, and how He sees me, those external things have way less power over me, and it allows me to step into being the type of person, the type of leader, who can exhibit more of the healthy characteristics we explored last week.
It’s not cut and dry, and it’s certainly not perfect; to be human is to live in the tension, after all.
Here’s what I find interesting: Before Jesus ever started His public ministry, He was baptized by John. The Creator of everything, submitting Himself to the practice of baptism. And remember what happened as Jesus came out of the water? God’s voice was heard, saying, “This is my beloved son…”
If anyone could have had the ego stroke of accomplishment, of followers, of fame, of impact, it was Jesus, and yet somehow He managed to stay free from the hold these things can have over us.
I firmly believe that a huge part of this freedom came from those words spoken over Him that day. He, first and foremost, was God’s son. That’s it. His identity wasn’t as an influencer, it wasn’t as a miracle worker, it wasn’t as a reformer–His identity was rooted firmly in the one thing that actually matters attaching worth to: Being God’s beloved.
This is true for us as well, and there is immense freedom, and incredibly healthy leadership as a result, when we can eschew our smaller identities for the most important one, of simply being God’s beloved.
As humans, this is a daily, if not hourly struggle. After all, it feels good to be liked; it feels good to have money in the bank; it feels good to be influential. But these aren’t who we are. Because the second we tie our worth to these things, their power over us becomes unbearable, shackling us to the weight of promises those things can never ultimately deliver on.
Sure, the short-term highs are real, but chasing after these leads us to use people, it leads to insecurity, and it leads us to emotional exhaustion.
In fact, just the other day, I was given an unexpected opportunity to operate out of my gifting–that gifting that God Himself has given me. In all humility, I hit a home run with that opportunity, and I was on an hours-long high from it.
So much so, that my mind was racing with all of the future opportunities this one event might have unlocked; I found myself playing the “what if” game, going down road after road of endless possibilities, endless favorable outcomes, and an ever-increasing inflation of my ego.
I could see where this was heading, and so, in a moment of rare clarity, I got on my knees, confessed that this success was getting to my head and having too much power over me, and prayerfully gave the moment back over to God.
My prayer was something along the order of: God, thank you for giving me this opportunity to use my gift. I can say with integrity that I was faithful with the moment, but now let’s tie a bow on it and set it aside. You do with today what You wish, Lord; tomorrow is on the horizon, (and you control tomorrow), so may I be faithful with tomorrow as I was with today.
And that was that. I put the moment behind me, positioned it as an offering, rather than identity-forming, and slept peacefully the entire night.
I share this because it was an exception for me, but one that I hope becomes more and more natural as I become more and more aware of these areas I tie my self-worth to.
My deep desire is to know where my sweet spot is, and to operate out of that; but to do so, not in a way that forms my own sense of self-worth, but rather is positioned as an offering back to the Giver of gifts and talents.
For His glory, not mine.
Questions for Reflection:
Where do you tend to find your value and worth? (We all do this, because we’re all human, so there’s no shame here–identifying these is a huge step forward!)
What would happen if those things listed above fell apart?
Sifting through that rubble, what do you think would remain, that would be true about you in that situation?
How does all of this tie into your personal style of leadership? What could your leadership look like as you practice letting go of these things?
Prayer practice: Take one of the items you identified above, and prayerfully surrender it to God. It could be something as simple as this:
God, I admit that I give way too much weight and meaning to _________. I surrender this area to You, and ask that You would replace this with a deeper and truer sense of who I am–Your beloved. Gently remind me when I’ve given that area its power again, so that I can offer it back to You. Help me walk in a truer sense of who You made me to be, and may I be faithful with each opportunity You provide. May it be for Your glory and not mine. Amen.