An Open Letter to My Three Sons
To My Dear Boys,
It’s a different world than the one I grew up in. A very different world.
In some ways, it’s a much better world. But in a lot of ways things are pretty rough. Hatred abounds, whether between the sexes, between nations, between ideologies, between races. It’s everywhere, boys. It plays out on social media, on the news, and in classrooms and playgrounds.
Avoid hatred at all costs, sons. It is everywhere, but it doesn’t have to be inside of you.
You see, hatred, when replaced with love, can be a really powerful thing. Love those around you, even when it’s hard. Because love is really the only true fix to the hate. But the love has to be real. It has to be genuine, or people will see right through you and the hatred will only go deeper.
I know it’s a lot of pressure, but it’s the only way.
People might hate you for being loving too. Thought I should at least warn you about that. But don’t ever let it stop you from extending love. Because a lot of your peers haven’t had the same luxuries you’ve had. Growing up with both parents, growing up with boundaries (I know you don’t believe me that these are placed there in love, but someday you’ll grow to appreciate it). Growing up in a home where God is central.
Because that’s the source of love, you know.
I’ve tried being loving without God, and it just doesn’t work. Well, it works, but not 100% the way it’s supposed to. It’s like when we try to water the orange tree outside—you know how our hose doesn’t work all the way? It’s like that. The tree gets water, but not as good as it could if our hose was fixed.
As you guys grow up, you may notice that the people and the earth around you appear sad. It’s probably because they are. Heck, I’m sad when I look around.
The hills that are usually green are brown. The trees that stand so tall are dying. The cities that once were safe aren’t anymore. People are edgy. I’m edgy.
You know how you hate it when we do a screen Sabbath on the weekends? Fight at all costs to slow yourselves down. That’s why we do it, you know. We do it because, believe it or not, we’re all a little happier when we’re engaged with each other more than our screens. And happy is sure a lot better than sad. We do it to remind ourselves that the world doesn’t really revolve around our own needs and desires. That it can keep spinning without us trying so hard.
When you get in to middle school, high school, college, your friends might think you’re kinda weird. But don’t copy their behaviors just to fit in. Be yourselves. Because there’s too many people out there trying too hard to look just right, to say just the right things, doing all kinds of crazy stuff just to fit in. But avoid that pressure, OK? Trying to fit in is really quite exhausting, and it doesn’t really work. It might feel like it does for a short time, but trust me on this one.
Just be yourself. That’s actually the essence of cool, you know. Be comfortable with who you are, because who you are is just right.
I hate to say it, but I’m not convinced the world is going to get a whole lot better. Not in the near future, at least.
But don’t let fear dictate your decisions. Let love dictate your actions. Stick with God as your compass, and let your light shine.
Because the world can be a scary place, but remember that time when the power went out and we lit a candle so we could all see? Do you remember how much light that one little candle spread throughout the room? And then when we used that one candle to light a few others, and it felt like we could see everything in the room?
Well, when you see someone lonely and you go talk with them, invite them to eat at your lunch table, that’s being a candle. When your classmates are huddled around a phone watching something that’s going to deeply embarrass another person, and you refuse to participate, that’s being a candle.
When you get a little older and you choose to look beyond yourself and to the needs of others instead of just being self-serving, that’s being a candle. When you use your God-given gifts to inspire others to hop off the bandwagon and take the road less travelled, that’s being a candle.
Well, that’s my charge to you boys. Be those candles, OK?
Because a little light goes a long, long, way.
And God knows we’d all do a lot better with a few more lights in the room.
I love you, boys. Be strong, and let your light shine, always.
- Dad
